Heyo

As many of you know a couple weeks ago I had one of the hardest weeks of my life. Full of pain, confusion, loneliness, heartache, discouragement (and all the other emotions).

I am not sure this will help anyone, perhaps just ease the worry of my mother’s troubled heart, (sorry mom) but I wanted to try and share some of my experiences with whoever it is that reads this (again maybe just my mom). I’m not really sure where to start, perhaps the end, which may be a very bad place to start. :)

When I sat down at the computer I was touched (hardly descries it) by the outpouring of love many of you had written me and shared your own experiences of struggles on a mission or in life, some of them were very long and needed to be printed. :) And all of them brought tears to me eyes. But this time they were different. It was not pain or stress or confusion or feelings of inadequacy. It was love and gratitude.

I cannot express how truly and overwhelmingly grateful I am to have the support I do from amazing friends and family. Many of you expressed that I had been in your prayers. Again, thank you. I can tell you that your prayers were answered in miraculous ways.

The past week was infinitely better. I’m not saying perfect, not do I necessarily want a perfect week, but infinitely better.

I do not want to diminish, detract or deny how hard that week was for me. In many ways I will forever cherish that week. When I said I felt like I had been fighting with Satan, I really meant it. Never before had I experienced anything as remotely frightening. I think often times when we think of Satan, we mistakenly think of temptation, which is true, but not all. One of Satan’s most powerful tools is discouragement. And I experienced this first hand. But as many of you know, I am stubborn and was not about to let him have me that easily. (It was close). In a lot of ways I think I felt abandoned by the Lord. Here I was, trying my best, wanting to serve Him however I could offering these 18 months and I felt nothing, empty and lifeless.

And all this time I was praying (pleading rather) for peace, for confirmation for anything. But I was not doing my part. I was too focused on all the reasons I couldn’t or didn’t want to do it. (Look back and you’ll see. The unwanted attention in the streets or nobody paying me any attention in their houses.) Looking back I realized that the Lord had been by my side every minute, but I didn’t notice His hand because I didn’t want to.

And then of course I struggled with that. What kind of missionary is that self-centered? Something was missing.

I had convinced myself that maybe I had come as far as I was supposed to and maybe there was a different plan for me. I had learned what I needed to. That the Savior lives and will stand by you in afflictions. That He suffered all things that He may know how to succor His people. I LEARNED it. But I hadn’t yet lived it. I was trying to testify to others and I was trying to tell them to rely on the Lord. But I wasn’t doing it myself.

So what changed? Not much actually. You’re probably like, all right sister, get your story straight. What was it? This is already too long. Get to the point. Sorry. I will.

So I’m not sure who really knew this, but I never actually wanted to serve a mission. I’m sure I said I did, but that’s because it sounds bad otherwise. I didn’t want to serve, but I felt like the Lord was calling me. I felt like I needed to. But I think I thought that would be it. I was neither prepared nor expecting what lie ahead. And so that took some time. I had given myself one week to figure out what to do, and then I would make a decision.

I’m sure you can all guess what happened. It was my last chance and so I let it all go. Whatever I had been doing had not and would not work. And so I started again. And the miracles and tender mercies I found that day. . . . Well, I’m still here, aren’t I?

I’m still struggling a lot of the same things and a lot of new things as well, but I’ll save that for another day, maybe 18 months from now. But I can testify that amazing things happen when you turn your will to the Lord. Only He has an eternal perspective. I have faith that all these experiences will truly work together for my good. I wish I could fully explain all that I’ve experienced in these past few weeks, but I’m not sure I even fully understand or will understand for a long time coming.

Tuesday:

I’m learning to cherish the good moments and make the best of the ones that are less than good.

I have a new rule. If we go to three houses in a row and either nobody is home or the address doesn’t exist, I go to the closest panaderiaand buy a torta. I figure it all evens out when we’re walking in circles. I ‘m trying not to get excited when people aren’t home. ( :) whisper.)

Wednesday:

I don’t think we made it into a single home. Even the people who are always home weren’t home.

But yet I can feel the Lord lifting me up. Sometimes, it ‘s so hard to stay motivated when all we do is walk. But as I pray for strength to continue and the ability to learn what the Lord wants me to learn from every experience, I am able to have a different attitude. And somehow, I’m able to go much further than I thought possible.

Thursday:

We went to the temple! It was a complete surprise, but such a blessing!

Because the traffic is horrendous here it takes about 2 hours to get there. So you know the zone sang hymns all the way there and back on the bus. We were those people. . . :) But it was fun.

It’s funny cause there are always people trying to sell stuff to your window, and there was this one guy selling globes. I had seen screwdrivers before, but this was a really true globe, stand all. If you think of a reason you might need this while stuck in traffic, let me know!

But really, I was so grateful to go to the temple. The peace you can feel there is like none other. Go to the temple this week!

Friday:

Surprise inter cambios [exchanges: when missionaries trade companions for a day]

Boy is it interesting to see how the rest of the world works. I took a lot of ideas on how we could improve and things we should be doing differently. . . . Now to see if my companion will let us do it.

Saturday:

Sorry. I don’t remember this day.

Sunday:

These people. My heart. My goodness. I miss home a ton. But there are just some people here who have already changed my life so much and just knowing one day I’ll say goodbye and never see them again? That’s crazy.

For example, A. She’s our investigator sent from heaven. She came to church with us again today. And she turned to me and said I don’t know what it is I just feel so happy. And then my heart exploded. Every time we go we ask her to be baptized and she always rolls her eyes. “YES. I already told you.” Ugh. She’s so great. It’s been such a cool experience. Basically there are some amazing people here, that makes up for all the walking in circles we do.

I’m praying I can stay here ‘til Christmas.

Now some things I’ve learned.

· You know in the scriptures when they talk about bringing forth evil fruit, they meant papaya. Cause that stuff is straight up nasty.

· There’s so much I took for granted. I miss my carpet almost as much as I miss my mom.

· I’ve learned how to eat mayonnaise with just about everything. It’s like the Peruvian version of ranch.

· They don’t put frosting on cupcakes. It’s a travesty.

· No matter what people tell you coca cola mixed with evaporated milk is not rico. Don’t try this at home.

All in all this week has been a lot better and we’ve been working harder. (I haven’t even had time to shave my legs!) I’m becoming more confident with my Spanish every day so that’s making a difference.

I just wish that some people could have little more motivation . . .

EVERYBODY, Heavenly Father answers prayers. I know it. I had been a little frustrated because I felt like some of mine hadn’t been answered. But as I tried to explain how to recognize answers, I realized that sometimes it’s just the feeling. It’s Heavenly Father saying, “Peace, my child. I am here. I love you and will take care of you. Be patient.” So friends, be patient. Only God know the eternities.

I LOVE YOU ALL!

Hermana Anderson